POTHOLES: No council interference

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As 2018 begins, I think it is only right to acknowledge the exceptional non-road maintenance by Northumberland County Council within a number of rural villages

I comment with regard to my own situation as an inanimate presence in Kenmore Road, Swarland.

I appreciate that I have been allowed to grow, without any council interference whatsoever, into a fine pothole, well exceeding the 40mm x 150mm criteria set down by the council.

It has always been difficult to get a proper designation with the constant co-joining of holes, but I do believe the humans who live adjacent to my location have unofficially given me the title 74.

I am somewhat uneasy about this as potholes 34 and 35 have had an unconscious coupling. Still, they are an example to us all in working on increasing their base core and size with the real potential of advancing to the status of Super Pothole.

I think I can speak for all of my fellow potholes that as our numbers mushroom, the council is no longer a body that we fear.

We no longer hear of fearsome threats of two Jetpatchers destroying our very existence. Our human neighbours were informed that the machines are only for rural roads and Swarland roads, apparently, aren’t rural enough. What joy we got from that.

As a collective, we have unfortunately only been able to hospitalise one human this year, although the injury was serious and required a bout of surgery and considerable discomfort.

I believe damage to vehicles continues to increase and I am fairly confident that 2018 will be our best ever. Springs are becoming a bit of a speciality for us.

The road did get a bit of a scare in late summer when a council worker spent a considerable time marking up red and white lines along the full length of the adopted section. This was followed several weeks later by the arrival of a task force, which was clearly intent on effecting (horror upon horror) repairs.

Thankfully, after a cursory glance they disappeared, never to return, and I am pleased to say the lines have mostly disappeared.

Some embryonic potholes have expressed concern about this invasion, but older potholes have been able to give them reassurance that previous repairs have never been long-lasting.

It would be nice to hear how potholes in other villages are getting on, but in the meanwhile, well done Northumberland County Council.

Keep up the excellent standards of non-road maintenance interference, for which you are getting a great reputation.

Pothole 74 (Ken Walters),

Kenmore Road,

Swarland