RICHARD ORD: Arraz Bob! Celebrities can ease us out of pandemic

As the time for my Covid-19 vaccine nears, so my fear of needles looms large.
"You may feel a slight prick!""You may feel a slight prick!"
"You may feel a slight prick!"

‘Wimp,’ I hear you say. Maybe, but I always think it’s healthy to be wary of being run through with metal spikes.

It’s an innate fear that would have stood me in good stead in medieval times. The oldest knights of the time were those who were most adept at sidestepping pointy metal things. These days, commando-rolling for cover at the sight of pointy metal only annoys the nurse.

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It’s why I welcomed the Government’s plan to encourage people to get the jab by having it endorsed by celebrities. Sometimes the promise of immunity from a killer disease just doesn’t cut it. You need the reassuring smile of Sir Tom Jones as the needle is inserted.

Personally, I think the NHS should have gone a step further. Dame Joan Collins or former Countdown presenter Nick Hewer being jabbed may get you running to the vaccination centre, but scaredy cats like me need more of an incentive. Celebrities administering the vaccination would certainly pique my interest. Lionel Blair wielding a loaded syringe would be one way to get me to come out from behind the settee. Throw in one of his old soft shoe shuffles and I’d be rolling up my own sleeves.

There are also naturals for the job. Actors who have played doctors and nurses are an easy win, anyone from Casualty or Holby City, for example. I’d even accept Christopher Timothy, not for his EastEnders appearances, but his role as James Herriott in All Creatures Great and Small. Obviously!

The clincher would be the vaccine being delivered by celebrities forever associated with pointy things. Darts players.

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The ‘King of Bling’ Bobby George would be perfect. What’s more, he could deliver the jab from the other side of the room. Hey, why not get javelin thrower Fatima Whitbread out of retirement to vaccinate the masses. The former world record holder could be taking anyone out within a 70 metre radius!

She may, of course, need a slightly bigger target, but then the dose does not have to administered in the arm. The backside is a larger target and a perfectly acceptable area for vaccination.

It would of course mean a slight alteration to the name of our ‘A Shot in the Arm’ vaccination campaign. It would now be ‘A Shot in the ...’ well, you can work the rest out for yourselves.