LadBaby, antifreeze and disappointment - ‘Tis the season to be glad Christmas is all done with, get in!

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On Christmas Day 2021 I had covid and was unable to leave home. Unable to go and meet anyone, I was confined to the settee, eating tuna sandwiches in front of James Bond until Christmas dinner – an Indian takeaway at 6pm. Best Christmas ever.

Sadly I was in perfect health this year and had to meet people; so December 25 reverted to the customary wash-out.

My present “pile” was dismal, with a litre of antifreeze the standout gift. I’m not greedy, but… Actually I am greedy. Christmas is the season for getting. No one ever asks: “What did you give for Christmas?” It’s all about getting.

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In the wider world there was further disappointment when LadBaby had the Christmas number one for the 79th year running.

Ho, ho and furthermore, ho. At least Christmas is done with now.Ho, ho and furthermore, ho. At least Christmas is done with now.
Ho, ho and furthermore, ho. At least Christmas is done with now.

For those of a certain vintage who may be blissfully unaware of LadBaby, he takes old pop songs and changes the lyrics for purportedly humorous effect. He is similar in that regard to old novelty band the Barron Knights; who weren’t funny either.

It should be said that Mr Baby’s singles are for charity. But some of us would willingly slip him a few quid next year in return for not bothering.

However, at least he has a tenuous claim to originality. The rest of the 2022 Christmas top 30 consisted almost entirely of the umpteenth re-releases from up-and-coming artists such as Wham, Shakin’ Stevens and Dean Martin.

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Furthermore, I don’t recall a single story about rubbish Christmas theme parks.

Usually some shysters will open a place called something like Santa’s Magical Kingdom, or Rudolph’s World of Wonder, then charge through the nose for admission.

Patrons are then treated to the sight of some fat blokes slurping cans of lager, but dressed as elves, perhaps beside an Alsatian in antlers. This is of course disgraceful, but somehow funny. Yet there has been no such scam this year. Is there no respect for tradition?

Ah well, Christmas is all but done. Good. This time next week the little cherubs will be incarcerated back in school and it will feel as if the whole thing never happened.

Oh and a happy new year.