SINCE starting these diaries, nearly four years ago now, I have covered a diverse range of subjects that have hopefully been interesting and even entertaining.
Every now and then a story crops up that I know is well suited and this week is just one of these.
It all started earlier this year when a client inquired about the processes that were required for her little Yorkshire terrier Tilly to have a litt
er of pups.
Obviously she knew the fundamental birds and bees bit but being new to the world of canine breeding wanted a little more information.
After a long chat about the potential complications, not to mention the hard work involved in caring for puppies, a task not to be undertaken lightly, we were still keen to proceed and so it all boiled down to a matter of timing.
Like all things to do with nature, there are general rules of thumb marked by significant amounts of individual variation.
Following the onset of their season, the "average" bitch will be receptive to mate 12 days later, though this may vary from six to 36 days!
Things are rarely simple and it was no surprise when it didn't quite work out with Tilly's first try and though the prospective father of the pups was keen, she was not! After all, timing is everything.
Next time round, not wanting to leave things to chance; we opted for a little veterinary intervention, testing progesterone levels in Tilly's blood for pin point accuracy.
The results came back and the hot date was set, the chosen suitor waiting expectantly in that well known hotspot of high romance Glasgow.
After an excited drive north, Tilly's mum arrived at the designated kennels and was instantly impressed with the standard of cleanliness and general level of organisation.
Unfortunately, her lack of familiarity with the local Rab C Nesbitt lingo left her somewhat in the dark about the precise details, but no sooner had she arrived than Tilly was whisked away and introduced to her very handsome mate.
Things didn't get much better.
As the seconds turned into minutes and the minutes into hours Tilly's mum was entertained by a chain smoking Glaswegian who didn't draw breath, apparently unaware that the person he was talking to couldn't understand a word he was saying.
Unlike her first effort, Tilly seemed up for the occasion, though rather disappointingly, her mate was less interested.
Mrs Rab C was growing more and more agitated at the lack of performance from her "little chap" until finally she resigned herself to outside assistance.
Entering the kitchen she reached for the Yellow Pages proclaiming that it was time for "a little help". Mind boggling, Tilly's mum wondered who or what could be found from the Yellow Pages that would possibly help with a slightly shy Scottish Yorkshire terrier, if you know what I mean.
Noticing the inquiring looks, the function of the directory was soon explained – "It's for the wee lassie t' stand on!"
Obviously preferring a lady with a slightly longer leg, the choosy dog was apparently unwilling to bend his knees.
As soon as she was on his own level he enthusiastically approached his task and in no time Tilly and her mum were heading back south down the A1; job done.
With three healthy pups now safely delivered and thriving well, the whole episode can be viewed with a good deal of humour, not to mention the thought of a new advertising campaign for the Yellow Pages, it would be right up James Nesbitt's street.
