It's that time of year again, the Alnorthumbria farm vets are all quite literally up to their armpits in the proverbial with nervous farmer wondering if Dave the Dependa-bull and Robin the Relia-bull have performed as well as expected.
It's been an odd back end to the year, with many of the old girls and their offspring left outside to continue grazing.
The dry weather conditions have ensured that they make little mess of the ground while providing significant savings on bedding and feed.
In fact, on many farms the cattle have only been housed to save grass for the sheep, not to mention this year's lambs as yet unsold (or rather given away if anyone will take them, the prices have been so low!)
Back to armpits and the proverbial.
Pregnancy diagnosis results for the herds within the practice have been varied as always. Top of the pops, a fantastic 92 per cent of cows in calf achieved with only a seven-week period with the bull, ensuring a nice tight calving pattern in the spring.
An equally creditable effort was only three empty out of a group of 98 cows purchased as late calved heifers last spring.
There have been a few flops as well.
A group of 29 selected cows were put to the shiny new expensive Ivan the Incredi-bull, guaranteed by the vendor to be packing the required punch.
Unfortunately, this guarantee was taken at face value, with no fertility checks made.
Ivan was indeed incredi-bull, but more for his unique moral stance.
It turns out he is monogamous with only one of his selected harem pregnant and due to calve next spring. Admira-bull but not profita-bull!
Not wanting to see this plethora of bovine beauties go to waste, Eric Insatia-bull, an experienced old campaigner, took advantage of the August bank holiday rush to break through a fence or two.
Having already seen to his own cohort, in a three-week period of intense romantic activity, Eric managed to impregnate 24 of the remaining 28 cows. Every cloud and all that!
The last few years have seen clear patterns emerging. The breeds with easier calving and particularly short gestation lengths are getting better conception rates than breeds with long gestations and big calves.
Andrew is convinced that this is because fewer cows are damaged or infected at calving and those that are have up to three weeks longer to get back into a state fit for breeding. It makes a huge difference.
The practical result of all this can be five or even as many as 10 more live calves to sell per 100 cows put to the bull.
In the current climate, the calves may not be worth as much individually but the total output can be the same or even better, with the advantage that it is much easier for the animals and the stockmen.
Of course, it takes two to tango and getting the cows right is only half the battle.
Fertility testing bulls before the breeding season is also having a huge impact and is becoming part of the routine on many farms.
Ironic then that Ivan the Increda-bull was the only bull on his farm not tested, his competence assumed from the vendor's guarantee.
Ivan's effective monogamy leaves a bit of a pickle with respect to compensation with a farmer now left with 24 cows that will have to be sold and replaced because they don't fit into the tight calving pattern to produce calves for sale in the autumn. A problem quite unfathoma-bull!