I WOULD like to supply an update on the Vyner Park Job Creation Scheme.
As you know, seven temporary jobs were recently created during the restoration of the path around the park.
You will be glad to know that after the recent rains, most of the grey dust has washed away and is now on its way to the Coquet.
Or rather, it would be if it were not for the sediment-trapping pond at the bottom of the park which is filling up nicely again. So we can be proud of the work so far.
The weeds are thriving on the dust and are vigorously shooting skywards through what remains of the path.
Accordingly, as we are awash with funds, we propose to rip up what remains and take it to landfill – we are confident that the costs can be met within current budgetary guidelines.
And more jobs will be created during phase two when we shall be filling in the holes with used fivers, which would otherwise be wasted on pensions, schools and the NHS.
I can tell you that the success of our scheme has brought inquiries from all corners of the country so let’s knuckle down and get Britain back to work. As Mr Cameron said, we’re all in this together.
Rattus Norvegicus, Swarland