So the management have bought you a new one to celebrate.
Your collective hard work over the last 12 months has earned the authority a much-coveted four-star rating by the Audit Commission.
And what do you get in thanks?
No, not a whopping 2
0 per cent pay rise like your top three chief officers.
Not even an extra day's holiday, like one other council gave its lucky staff.
Oh no. You get Bully's special prize – a mass-produced mug worth a mighty £1.13.
Before you get all excited, me old china, let's put this awesome show of gratitude into some kind of perspective.
Spread over the course of the last year, your mug signified a pay rise of just under 9½p a month. That's enough to buy a third of a postage stamp, or about a fifth of a pint of milk, enough for half-a-dozen brews in your new mug.
Look on the bright side – wait three months, you could even send a postcard to a loved one to tell them the good news.
But what's a mugs-worth when it comes to chief executive Mark Henderson?
Well, he does such a great job down at County Hall that he's worth, by my reckoning, 26,548½ mugs, based on his recent £30,000 retention payment.
What would you do with so many mugs, though?
He could start off by supplying every household in Alnwick district with two free mugs.
With his £180,000 annual salary, the chief could provide 159,292 complementary mugs a year – enough to supply every woman between the ages of birth and death in Northumberland (according to the Office for National Statistics) with one each.
Or, together with his deputy and finance director – total income £432,000, or 382,300 mugs – they could erect a tower reaching well into the stratosphere, at just over 38km above County Hall.
Who knows? Perhaps they might be able to see their wages from the top.
For the rest of us mere mortals, though, we don't need to be so elevated to see what a crock this so-called gesture of thanks really is.
On another noteTHE Government wanted a North East Assembly.
The people didn't, so they overwhelmingly voted it out.
The council then said it wanted a single unitary authority.
The people didn't, but the Government gave the council the thumbs-up to do it anyway.
There was no vote and it will happen next April.
This week, the Government gave the council a four-star rating.
Coincidence, perhaps?
